I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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