Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
