So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
