I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
