she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
