he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
