Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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