can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
