Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
