I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
