Please, let me fuck your mom
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
