shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
