So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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