I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
