Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
