He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
