This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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