So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
