I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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