dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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