I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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