He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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