I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
