I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Damn victory sex feels great
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
