I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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