I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
