Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
