I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
