I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
