my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
