i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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