Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
