Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
