we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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