your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
