I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
