I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
