he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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