It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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