singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
