Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
