it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
