the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
