Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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