David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
