it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
True strength comes from lack of pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
