Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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