god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
