Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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