Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
