Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
