Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
