Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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