New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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