Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
